Pom in Oz with Derek Goforth: When straight-talking is just rude behaviour disguised as assertiveness

As a dad and as a teacher I always encourage my children and students to assert themselves, to speak clearly about their thoughts and feelings. I also teach — as best I can — to do this with sensitivity and decorum. Sadly, in my experience, I have come across my fair share of people who seem very adept at the first skill but are decidedly lacking in the second. This behaviour is often wrapped in some sort of cliche such as “I speak my mind” or “I say what I like and I like what I say”. Which to me is just code for I have my opinion and will tell you it whether you like it or not. Straight-talking is often just rude behaviour disguised as assertiveness. “I wasn’t rude to the waiter I just made sure he knew that his service was appalling.” “I didn’t berate my child’s teacher, I simply made sure he knew that my child was in the right and he was in the wrong.” And the examples can go on and on. But really the world is littered with people who either consciously or subconsciously mistake honesty and straightforwardness for just plain rudeness. Conviction is strength, but so is being sensitive. Honesty is an admirable quality but so is wisdom and discretion. But is there ever a right time to be rude? Are there situations or circumstances when just saying exactly what you feel like saying is the correct behaviour? I really don’t think so. Even in a reaction to receiving rude service — what does giving it straight back actually achieve? Other than lowering yourself to the same level. So, if you care, my advice is this: Give feedback when it’s needed, but give it constructively. Look for positives as well as the negatives in a situation. Don’t avoid conflict but don’t incite it either. We all should take a stand where we need to, but creating division and hostility is just not on. And lastly and most importantly — take responsibility for your own actions and the actions of those under your care. Stop blaming others for where you are, and stop looking at others and coveting their life and their situations. Reflect on your own behaviour and reactions. Are you actually being ignored or passed over because you are being discriminated or simply because you don’t have the skills? Are people not wanting to be your friends for nefarious reasons or just because of how you behave? Not everything is a conspiracy, not everything is stacked up against you. Be your best self and make the best of what you have. It’s a cliche, but even cliches can be true. Derek Goforth is a teacher at Geraldton Christian College